


Always, For You: A Carmilla Playlist

by TolGayGinger



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla (Web Series) RPF
Genre: F/F, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-01 16:09:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12708384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TolGayGinger/pseuds/TolGayGinger
Summary: Collection of Carmilla one-shots. Mostly Lawstein, but there is a sprinkling of Hollence and Hollenstein. The one-shots vary from cute, fluffy and domestic shots to more angst all inspired by music.





	1. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny has to return home to her family to help take care of them. Normally she'd be happy to be home, but not under these circumstances and she gets truly homesick. Lawenstein.

_My bones are safe and my heart can rest_  
_Knowing it belongs to you_  
_My world is changed and it's cradled by_  
_The comfort that is you_  
_Oh my love,_  
_My head is reeling and I am running out of air_  
_I need to breathe in_

Danny stood in front of the stove in her childhood home, absent-mindedly stirring the tomato sauce. She had only been home in Vancouver for a little over a week, but it felt like it had been an eternity. Usually, she loved coming home to hang out with her brother and the twins. But she didn't want to be home under these conditions. Danny swallowed a little as she replayed the memory of why she had to be here so suddenly.

A week and a half ago, while getting ready for a morning run, Danny got the dreaded phone call. At the moment she didn't think much of it, besides the fact that it was nearly eleven at night and her mother should be asleep. 

Needless to say, Danny didn't go on her run that morning. She sat there on the edge of the couch, on the verge of a breakdown, yet so numb. It wasn't until Carmilla, her girlfriend, emerged from the bedroom, asking her what was wrong. When Carmilla placed her hands on Danny's cheek, her face full of worry, asking her repeatedly, that a wail ripped from Danny's throat and the tears fell from her eyes. 

Her younger brother, Benny, was in the hospital.

She spent the rest of that day, with Carmilla by her side, as Danny attempted to put a suitcase together.

Danny let out a soft sigh. And there was another reason why it felt like she had been home for far too long. She missed Carmilla. Carmilla had to stay in Austria with Fenrir, their husky. Her parents could only afford to fly Danny home, so she could help take care of her siblings. 

Danny longed to be back in her tiny apartment. She yearned to be in bed with Carmilla: the vampire curled up against her, her head on her chest as she listened to Danny's steady heartbeat, with Carmilla’s arm securely around her waist and Fenrir across their feet. Her heart ached for the nonchaotic familiarity. But she knew that was selfish to want that at this moment. Her family needed her, she needed to be there for Benny, and she was going to stay as long as she had to. It was her duty to help them and care for her siblings, even if she felt like crumbling under the weight of the responsibility. It made her wish for the simpler days of defending the Silas campus from monsters.

At least monsters were easy. One could physically hurt them and release frustrations onto them. But Danny was helpless against the sickness that coursed through Benny’s body. She couldn't punch, stake, or burn the illness that was slowly killing her brother.

A light tug on the back of her shirt was enough to make Danny jump. She turned around to see the much too tall for her age, Katie. She stared blankly down at her, almost not registering who she was until she spoke.

“Danny, when are we going to eat?” She asked, her voice low and her eyes pleading as if it would make the food appear faster. Danny flashed her sister a quick smile and reached forward to ruffle her bright red hair, a common trait in the Lawrence family. 

“It's almost ready now, why don't you go set the table.” She suggested. Katie gave her a small nod and reached for the plates. Danny felt a pain in her heart when she started to pull out six plates.

“Honey, it's only you, Charlie, and me tonight. Mom and Dad are still out with Benny.” Danny tells her. She watched as her sister stopped and turned to her. The confused and broken-hearted face of her nine-year-old sister was almost enough to make Danny cry. Almost.

“Why aren't they coming home?” She asked in a quiet voice. Danny freezes in a panic. Anxiety starts to constrict her throat and she feels nausea hitting her hard. How was she supposed to explain to her baby sister that her older brother had been diagnosed with late-stage Leukemia? Why did it have to fall on her to tell her that Benny was probably not going to make it to his seventeenth birthday? How did anyone expect her to be faced with a situation like that, let alone know exactly how to handle it.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to put on a brave face.

“Because Benny is really sick and Mom and Dad are there to make sure he's okay. I came home to make sure you 'n Charlie stay out of trouble.” She said, a soft smile playing on her lips as she gently nudged Katie. Her sister returned the smile, but it quickly fades.

“Is Benny going to be okay?” She asked. Danny cursed Zeus for making children so talkative. She adored her baby sister, but even she had her limits. Danny opened her mouth to stutter out some pathetic excuse, only when a loud bang from the living room interrupts her. She thanked Hera that she didn't have to continue this conversation with Katie. 

“Charlie, what in Olympia are you doing?” 

“Nothing!” He replied, all too quickly. Danny turned off the burner and moved the pot to the back of the stove, before going to investigate.

Upon entering the living room, she noticed that the bookshelf was overturned and contents had been spilled everywhere. Her eyes flicked up to Charlie, who was wrestling a book out of their scruffy mutt, Bear’s mouth. Danny sighed and turned the bookcase upright. Charlie successful rescued the book from their dog and tried to gather as many of them up as he could. 

“How about we just clean them up after dinner, okay?” She said. He looked down at the pile of books, then slowly up to Danny and nodded, fully aware of his guilt. Danny smiled softly and kissed his temple. She couldn't help but chuckle at the way his face screwed up in annoyance, clearly not wanting any affection from his sister.

“Go on, give Bear his dinner and go take your seat.” She told him. He hurried off to the kitchen, Bear right at his heels. Danny sighed and straightened up. Yeah, monsters were much easier to deal with than the twins. She turned to go back to the kitchen, her stomach growling (she couldn't recall the last time she actually ate), when the doorbell rang. Bear, in a barking frenzy, bounded from the kitchen and barreled past Danny, nearly knocking her over. 

She quickly regained her balance and her shoulders sag. All she wanted was to finally eat and to be left alone for a while. 

“Bear, schweigen!” Danny ordered her voice stern. He ceased his barking and looked back at her. With a huff, he pushed off the window and padded back into the kitchen. Danny sighed and hurried to the door, opening it with a forced smile.

“Evening.” She greeted the postman. He gave her a smile and held out the electronic pad and pen.

“Evening, you just have to sign for a package.” Danny’s brows crease in confusion. She didn't remember her parents saying about expecting a package. But she signed it anyway, took the box from the man and thanked him. Her confusion only grew when she saw that it was addressed to her.

“Danny! We're starving!” Charlie's voice pulled her back to reality and she shook her head.

“Coming, I'm coming!” Danny called back, retreating into the kitchen. She placed the package on the counter. She scooped the spaghetti onto Katie and Charlie's plate and gave them permission to start eating without her.

She took the box and hurried to her room. Danny eased down onto the edge of her bed and made quick work of the tape. She pulled the flaps back to reveal a pair of blue socks with cartoon cats dressed as astronauts, a small black plush cat, and underneath both of them was a folded up blanket that instantly made her feel like she was back in Austria. She also spotted a small card tucked under the cat's paw and picked it up.

The front had a drawing of a cat stretched across someone's keyboard, with the words “You're my favorite person to annoy” written above the picture. A small, smile played at the corner of Danny's lips. She opened the card and instantly recognized the handwriting.

_Daniele,_

_My favorite annoyance. I miss you more than you'll ever know, more than a vampire should miss a human. I long for the day you return home to me. The days drone on, feeling so much longer than they truly are. I can't help but be selfish in wanting you to return home, but the apartment feels empty without you here. I know your family needs you, and you want to be there for your brother. This can't be an easy thing to deal with. This is something, as an immortal, I could never fathom._

_I can't wait for you to return, the stars aren't the same without you, nor walks with Fen (who misses you deeply too). I hope this care pack helps with the stress. I even “gave up custody” of our favorite blanket for you. I made sure to let Fenrir lay on it._

_Take care, be safe, and come home soon._

_I love you, to the moon and back._

_Carmilla_

Danny kept staring down at the letter, quickly becoming unable to reread the words between the tears that stung her eyes. She was grinning that dorky grin, the one that Carmilla always said she hated but secretly adored. Danny knew Carmilla could be a bit of a sap, but she also never expected a gesture of her’s to make her cry. She wiped at her face and gently placed the card down, frantically searching for her phone. Danny had to call Carmilla immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Home by Reese Lansangan


	2. Drops of Jupiter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla grows a little concerned and annoyed when Danny spends nearly all night outside. Lawenstien/Hollenstein.

__

_Now that she's back from that soul vacation_  
_Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey_  
_She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo_  
_Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey_

Carmilla strolled onto the porch, warm mugs filled with hot chocolate in either hand, shaking her head as she watched Danny on the grass. The air was crisp and cool, and her exasperated sigh let out a small puff of white. The tall ginger girl hadn’t moved in hours, creating some cause for worry and prompting Laura to join Danny where she lay. But that was hours ago. Carmilla didn’t understand how someone could lay on the hard ground in the unforgiving chill of the night and just stare up at the sky for hours. But that was the person she chose to place her affections with.

Carmilla huffed and walked off of the porch toward the girls, the grass crunching under her feet. Only Laura lifted her head as she approached. Carmilla handed her one of the mugs as she sat down next to them. They sat in silence for a while, and Carmilla impressed that Danny had yet to acknowledge that she was there, let alone move.

“Christ Lawrence,” Carmilla scoffed, “how can you sit here for hours and just stare up at nothing? It’s kind of…” 

Carmilla trailed off when she looked down at Danny’s face. Her face was in total awe at how, even in the dark, Danny’s eyes shone like the stars. Carmilla was absolutely star struck as she found herself unable to tear her eyes from the girl. 

Carmilla’s mind had drifted elsewhere, lost in the curves of the ginger girl’s face, causing her to jump when she heard Danny say, “I’m not staring up at nothing, there’s a lot to look at up there.” 

From the way her voice sounded, Carmilla could tell that her gaze was still trained on the sky. Carmilla snorted in disapproval. 

“It just looks like a bunch of little dots in a vast, boring, black void,” she exclaimed with her usual amount of snark, covering up any emotion she had been showing before. There was the quick sound of skin hitting skin and a small yelp escaped Carmilla’s lips. Laura shot her a look of disappointment and reprimanded her in the way a parent would a misbehaving child. Carmilla rubbed her arm, muttering about the stinging pain in her arm. Danny let out a soft chuckle at their antics.

“Maybe that’s what you see Carm, but there’s just so much out there that we know nothing about," Danny explained. “There are thousands, even millions of galaxies that are just waiting to be explored.” Danny extended her hand toward the sky, reaching out as if she could scoop up a handful of stars. Carmilla stared at her, a warm smile growing as she listened to her. “And even though it is so vast and it makes one feel so small and insignificant, it makes me feel like I’m in the right place. That I was meant to be here.” Danny pushed her head back to look at her, her cheeks burning when she saw Carmilla staring intently at her.

Carmilla couldn’t help but gaze at her with such warmth and adoration. Yeah, Danny was a huge nerd, but it was just one of the reasons why she loved her so much. A small, embarrassed laugh broke the silence and Danny forced her eyes back up to the sky. Carmilla was sure that the ginger girl was blushing deeply, especially as she leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. She pulled away, grinning down at her. Carmilla forced the still steaming cup of hot chocolate into Danny’s hands before she laid back, smiling brightly, and admired the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Drops of Jupiter by Train.


	3. Fly Me to the Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla approaches a stargazing Danny, who's a little bitter, but maybe it's not all bad. More platonic Lawstien.

_Fly me to the moon_  
_Let me play among the stars_  
_Let me see what spring is like on_  
_On Jupiter and Mars_

Danny draped her arms over the balcony railing as she stared up at the night sky, her thoughts lost among the stars. She lifted her face to the breeze, feeling it's cool touch across the bare patches of her skin. She sighed and closed her eyes. She often found herself on top of the astronomy tower in the middle of the night. More now than ever.

She always came to the tower because it was the best place on campus to see the stars. Who would have thought? But it was here where Danny found solace. She couldn't quite explain it, but there was something about seeing the dark void speckled with bright stars that comforted her. It didn't matter what was troubling her, tracing out the constellations with her eyes always seemed to ease her anxiety. 

Tonight though, Danny didn't know what it was that drew her to the tower. She just knew she needed to be here. She kept staring intently at the vast sky above her, tracing the lines from one star to another. There was Ursa Major, Canis Major, Gemini, Leo, Perseus, Hydra, Vir-

“What are you looking at there Xena?” The voice caused Danny to jump, ripping her from her thoughts and bringing her back down to Earth. She spun around seeing someone she never expected to be alone with. Only one person on the Earth called her Xena, and that was Carmilla Karnstein.

Seeing Carmilla’s face filled Danny with bitterness and venom, especially since she came up to the tower to be alone.

“None of your business, Fangface,” Danny spat, turning her back to Carmilla and focusing on the stars. Her jaw clenched when she heard light footsteps and a soft sigh. 

“You don't have to get so snippy-”

“What are you even doing up here? Why are you talking to me?” Danny snapped, looking down at her. Carmilla shrugged. 

“I'm a creature of the night, Xena. I've seen you out here a lot and I guess I was just...curious.”

“Well, curiosity killed the cat,” Danny mumbled, casting her eyes back up to the night sky. 

“Yes, but satisfaction brought it back. Now, what's going on with you?” Carmilla pressed, leaning against the railing, staring up at her. Danny sighed.

“One, I came out here to be alone. Two, why do care? I thought you didn't like me.” 

“I never actually said I didn't like you, I just don't always enjoy your presence.” Carmilla scoffed.

“Then why are you here?” Danny snapped, glaring at her.

“Because Xena, you look miserable when you come out here.” 

“I come out here because I'm miserable.” Danny sighed. “The stars…they help me work through things,” Danny admitted. She looked at Carmilla, growing uncomfortable in her intense gaze. 

“What?” Carmilla shrugged.

“Nothing. I'm just surprised, it doesn't seem like a you thing. I never pegged you as a star kid.” Danny turned back to the edge. 

“Yeah, well, I didn't really expect you to care,” Danny grumbled. She closed her eyes tight, trying to ignore Carmilla. But it was impossible to block her out. 

“Despite what you think, I'm not heartless,” Carmilla snorted, still staring up at her. “So what's your problem?” 

Danny sighed and hung her head. There was no use ignoring her, since she seemed very insistent on sticking around.

“Since you seem so determined to talk to me, I don't know what it is. I just…I needed some kind of solace,” Danny confessed, looking up and confiding in the stars again. Her eyes traced out Ursa Major, the faint outline of Ursa Minor-

“So you look at the stars. Why?” Carmilla questioned. Danny’s shoulders dropped and she rolled her eyes. 

“Because I've always found comfort in them. It's just so easy to forget everything,” Danny explained. “When I was younger I always wanted to just get lost in the stars, see new planets, just be anywhere but here.” 

There was a silence that fell between them and along with Carmilla’s unrelenting gaze, made Danny fidget uncomfortably. 

“Christ, Xena I didn't think you'd get so sappy on me.” 

Danny turned to Carmilla, annoyed with the fact that she had just opened up to the one person she could barely tolerate, to have her throw it back in her face. 

“Seriously? I just-” 

“Easy there, Fido. I was just messing around with you,” Carmilla laughed. “I get it.” 

Danny sighed and leaned back against the railing, of what to say to her. 

“You would have loved how the sky looked when I was still human. No overly large buildings obstructing your view, no light pollution to dull the stars,” Carmilla said, in a voice, she had only heard her use around Laura. Danny was impressed, to say the least. But she had just opened up to her. Draco, Canis Minor, Hercules, Libra…

“I wanna go to the moon eventually,” Danny mused, resting her chin on her hand. 

“I'll take you one day.” 

The silence that fell between them was something new and welcoming, no longer uncomfortable. Danny's heart fluttered with excitement and a small smile graced her lips.

“Yeah… I'd like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Fly Me to the Moon by Frank Sinatra


	4. Heart, Body, and Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny Lawrence is still in love with Laura, but she knows Laura will never love her back, but it didn't mean she was going to stop being friends with her, even if it hurts. Hollence, specifically in volume two, and in second person

__

_I’m short of breath, standing next to you_  
_I’m out of my depth, at this altitude_  
_Go ahead and laugh, even if it hurts_  
_Go ahead and pull the pin_

You didn’t really know what you were getting yourself into when you came to check in on Laura Hollis. You didn’t think that things between her and Carmilla could have gotten this bad, but the second you saw how heartbroken and defeated she was, you knew you couldn’t just leave her there. You decided to stay and you held her tight in your arms, stroking her hair as she sobbed on your shoulder. You are aware that the camera was still rolling, but you make no effort to disturb the crying girl in your arms. It hurts to see her like this, it also angers you that it was Carmilla who did that to her. Carmilla, the one who was supposed to love and care for her, not rip her heart out and seem so nonchalant about it.

You are still in love with Laura, but you know that your shot with her was gone, and that was because of Carmilla. Laura had fallen hard and fast for the vampire and you had ruined any hope you had for being with Laura. But your feelings for her still lingered. So when you held her in your arms, you felt that familiar pain in your heart; the one that just wanted to kiss her until things were better. But you knew you couldn’t do that to her.

Eventually her sobs become quiet and she feels heavier in your arms. You look down to see she had fallen asleep. You let out a soft sigh and carefully gather her in your arms, lifting her up. You carry her to the bedroom, gently laying her down on the bed. But before you could make your escape, she grabs onto your shirt. You swallow hard as her eyes barely fluttered open.

“Stay…” She mumbles. You bite your lip and quickly glance around the room, hoping to come up with some excuse to leave, but you can’t think of anything. So you nod and climb into the bed with her. She settles against your side, laying her head on your chest. You start to gently rub her back. She sighs softly, still clutching onto your shirt and easily falls back asleep. For once, she looks at peace; as if the breakup with Carmilla never happened. A small smile graces your lips as you imagine this life with Laura. You’re suddenly not a guest in this house, in a bed that is not yours, with a girl who does not love you. Instead, you’re home, with the girl you love curled up against you and she actually loves you back.  
You almost believe this fantasy, until you hear voices downstairs, that of Carmilla and a person you don’t recognize and you frown. Laura was not yours, and while she and Carmilla may not be together, she will never be yours. Even though you know Laura Hollis is not a prize to be won, you still can’t help but feel your heart deflate as that perfect little fantasy bubble pops. Yet you continue to lie there with her, gently rubbing her back as she slept, and that ache in your heart worsening.

__

_It overwhelms the nervous system_  
_This fearful constant state of comparison_  
_In all our gray matter, all gray matters_  
_We were designed to send mixed signals_  
_One image made up of different pixels_

It had been a few days since you laid with Laura and you still can’t get that image of her out of your head. It makes you sick to your stomach on how hung up you are on that moment because you know that it’ll never happen. It’s clear to you that your purpose in Laura’s life is to support her as a friend and nothing more.

You nod your head as you listen to the plan. It wasn’t the best strategy, but it was the all anyone could come up with. You barely look up as Perry and LaFontaine exit the room, leaving you alone with just Laura. You swallow as she comes up to the desk, taking the seat next to you. Suddenly she’s right there, going on about the possible outcomes of this plan and what could happen if you all fail.

You can’t help but think about how the passion and slight hint of fear she has in her eyes, make them sparkle. And you feel that aching, yearning pain in your chest again. All you want to do in that moment is to lean forward and kiss her, to sweep her off her feet and take her anywhere but here. But you don’t move. You know it’s not the right thing to do and you don’t want it to seem like you’re taking advantage of her. So you sit and listen to her. You give her a tiny half smile.

“Don’t worry Laura. I’m ready to suffer and die if it’s for the right person.” You say, almost trying to put her at ease, but also trying to hint that the right person was her. You would willingly give your life for Laura Hollis. You sit there in a silence; not quite awkward, but not quite comfortable. That’s when you feel her hand on your knee. You look down and you feel your cheeks and ears burn. She then reaches forward and she starts to play with your braid, which hangs over your shoulder. You feel your heart going a mile a minute.

You’re about to stand up and come up with some excuse to leave, when she lightly tugs on your braid, pulling you towards her. You’re ready to protest when suddenly her lips are on yours and as much as your mind was screaming to stop, your body relaxes and you start to kiss her back.

She’s kissing you with so much pent-up emotion and desperation. And as much as you know you should stop, you are kissing her back with the same amount of desperation and neediness. You move one of your hands to cup her cheek, the other grabs the one holding your braid, and let out a small whine, wanting to get closer to her. You want to pull her into your lap, hold her tight, and never stop kissing her. Finally, you feel like your fantasy might come true.  
But it doesn’t take long for you come to your senses and pull back. She lets out a whine in protest and every hope you had about you ever being with her comes crashing down. You close your eyes and sigh, casting your head down.

“I’m sorry, but this…this isn’t right.” You say, trying to keep your composure. You start praying to the gods that your voice doesn’t crack because the last thing you want is to cry in front of Laura. You bite down on your lip and slowly look up. You can see the hurt and longing in her eyes and you instantly feel sick. You didn’t want to do this, but you know it was for the best. You know you can’t compete with Carmilla and you know the kiss was only because it was out of desperation and it unclear if they were going to survive tomorrow.

“As much as I have been wishing for this, I know you still love her.” You say, forcing a small smile.

“Danny, I-” She starts to protest, but you shake your head, cutting her off.

“It’s okay, Laura. I know that’s where your heart lies. I’ve come to terms with that a while ago.” You explain, pausing and giving her shoulder a rub. “You should be more concerned about getting some rest so you’re ready for tomorrow.”

She cast her eyes down and let out a shaky sigh, nodding.

“You’re right…I’m sorry.” She muttered. You give her shoulder a soft squeeze and she pulls back further away from you, resting against the chair. You stand up, ready to bolt out of there, but you don’t. Instead, you lean forward and press a soft kiss to her head, then finally step away from her.

“You’ll be okay, Hollis.”

It pains you to see her like that. Laura had always been bold and brave. There have been very few times where you’ve seen her so broken and defeated. You don’t want to leave her there, but you know you have to. You know that if you stay, you’ll start kissing her again and you wouldn’t be able to stop.

You pull your jacket tighter around you as you walk back to the Summer House, the cold wind whipping at you. You know what you did, but you know it was right. You and Laura were never meant to happen, in fact, you don’t think that the two of you would have even worked out. You realize that you dashed any hope of that perfect little fantasy and you feel a tear run down your cheek. You quickly wipe it away; you’ll be damned if anyone sees Danny Lawrence cry.

You sigh and focus on the path in front of you, trying to keep your thoughts on the battle that lies ahead and try to push out any thoughts of Laura. She’ll be okay, she’s always been a fighter and even though you know she’ll always go for Carmilla, but you'll always be willing to give your life for Laura Hollis.

__

_A feather is a ton of bricks,_  
_or maybe I’m too sensitive_  
_I don’t know, all I can say is this,_  
_From now on, I’ll try to listen to intuition_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs: Heart by Sleeping At Last  
> Body by Sleeping At Last  
> Mind by Sleeping at Last


	5. Saturn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla visits an old friend. Angst

__

_You taught me the courage of stars before you left._  
_How light carries on endlessly, even after death._  
_With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite._  
_How rare and beautiful it is to even exist_

Carmilla kept her hands shoved in her pockets, balled into tight fists, her nails digging into her palms. She kept her head low and her eyes cast down as she walked down the gravel path. The rain had let up a little, settling for mist, but the little droplets still stuck to her face. She stayed silent and kept her mind blank. She didn’t want to think about anything because she knew if she did, she would break down again. Instead, she tries to stay focused on how eerily quiet it is, not even a bird calls.

She slowed and turned, walking into the grass, counting until she stopped at a perfectly polished headstone, the dirt underneath her feet was still too fresh. Carmilla swallowed as she knelt beside it. Carmilla bit down on her lip to keep herself from crying, feeling her throat constrict already. She hesitantly reached up and traced the neatly carved “L.” The cool touch of the stone causes her to shiver.

“Hey Xena,” she mumbled, letting her hand fall back to her side. “Sorry I didn’t bring you flowers or anything, but that seemed a little too cliche for you.” Carmilla stared at the headstone, shaking her head before diverting her eyes to the ground. The ground was littered with flowers, many being red. She choked back a dry chuckle at the sight.

“I miss you. Laura still misses you. I just don’t think she’s ready to come visit.” Carmilla paused. “She still blames herself, and I know you would probably be lecturing her right now about how it wasn’t.” 

She finally tore her eyes from the flowers to stare back at the headstone, as if Danny was standing in front of her and sighed. The images of what happened, slowly start to play in her mind. The flashes of the battle where she and Danny had been fighting side by side. The Summer warrior’s face covered in war paint, shield and sword in hand, and Carmilla behind her. She was honored to have the Summer at her back, the girl fought like Athena herself. Carmilla couldn’t help but be in awe of her in battle. But as the crowd thinned out, Danny left her side to help the rest of her sisters.

It was while they were separated that it happened. Carmilla had turned in time to see Danny lose her sword and try to defend herself with her shield. She watched as one of her Mother’s cronies grabbed it and snuck up behind her. Carmilla yelled out for Danny and tried to run to her, but it was too late. He drove the girl's sword into her back and Danny crumpled to the ground.

Carmilla shook her head, trying to get the image of the tall girl dropping. She fell too quickly. She kept seeing Laura, cradling Danny, who didn't even fit on her lap and gently brushing her ginger hair from her face. Carmilla stayed by both their sides as Danny struggled to speak, between coughing up blood and her breathing becoming more ragged. Danny's last words kept ringing in her ear. 

“I'm not scared, I love you both…” 

Carmilla had to look away as Laura wailed, holding the bleeding warrior in her arms.

“Stop that! This isn't fair…” she muttered, weakly punching the stone, feeling her eyes prick with tears. “You big overgrown idiot, I can't believe you're gone…I didn't think you would...” She opened her fist and rested her palm against the cool stone. Carmilla lowered her head.

“I wish you were still here. Laura still needs you...I still need you, Danny. I just...I wanted you to know that...well...I did love you.” Carmilla muttered. 

“I still love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Saturn by Sleeping At Last
> 
> Yes they are my inspiration for angst.


	6. What Christmas Means to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla is finally getting into the holiday spirit and tries to surprise Danny. Lawstein

__

_I greet you 'neath the mistletoe_  
_I kiss you once and then some more_  
_I wish you merry Christmas baby_  
_Oh and such happiness in the coming year, oh baby_

Carmilla had never been into the holidays. Three hundred years of Christmases with an overbearing, abusive mother put a real damper on things. But this year was different. This year she had someone who made this time of the year seem less draining. It was because of her that Carmilla had spent hours in countless stores searching for the perfect gift. It was because of her that she actually wanted to get a tree, why Perry came over to help bake several batches of cookies, and why she ran around the house in a stupid grumpy cat holiday sweater hanging up lights. She was the reason Carmilla suddenly cared about the holidays, and she came in the form of Danny Lawrence.

Carmilla wanted everything to be perfect so when Danny returned home from work, she could see her face light up. She couldn’t help but cringe at how disgustingly cheesy she was being, but at this point, she didn’t care. She wanted to do all the cheesy things with Danny. She even went as far getting mistletoe to hang up over the doorway. As much as she hated cliché holiday crap, this was the one thing she had always wanted. 

Carmilla was sent into a panicked frenzy as she heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. She tossed the tape and the string out of view and stepped back to look at the dangling mistletoe. She only now realized that it might be too low and Danny might actually walk right into it, but it was too late to fix it. She hurried into the kitchen and stood over the sink, pretending to wash the dishes when Danny walked in. 

“Mm, something smells amazing.” Danny said, making her way over to Carmilla. Carmilla turned to the taller girl, smiling warmly. 

“Yeah, there’s a tray of cookies baking,” she answered, motioning towards the oven. “And you better wait till they cool off so I don’t have to hear you whine about you burning your mouth.” 

Danny laughed as she went to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water. 

“I thought you said you weren’t into Christmas, Grumpy Cat,” she teased. 

Danny’s eyes followed the string of bright lights strung from the kitchen to the main sitting area where she could make out garland carefully laid across the mantle of the fireplace. Below it hung two stockings. 

“You really went all out,” she chuckled, her gaze returning to Carmilla.

“Well, I had a reason to this year,” Carmilla said with a shrug. She turned back to the dishes, mindlessly scrubbing the plate in her hand. “Oh, Danny, there’s a snowman figurine in the box by the stairs, could you grab it for me?” 

“Of course,” Danny said, leaving the kitchen. Carmilla watched and waited for her to bend over, searching through the box. She carefully and quietly set the plate down in the sink and stealthily snuck up behind Danny. 

“Carm, I’m not seeing it,” Danny called, straightening up from the box.

“Are you sure it’s-“ She turned right into Carmilla. Danny let out a nervous laugh. “Carm, what’re you doing?”

Carmilla didn’t say anything, glancing up over Danny’s head, then back to her. A small smirk formed on her face at Danny’s confusion. Slowly the taller girl lifted her eyes to the mistletoe hanging just an inch from the top of her head. The silence sparked a quick wave of panic in Carmilla. Was this too much? Did she mess up? 

Her anxiety flailed when Danny let out a small chuckle and looked down at her. She definitely screwed something up. 

“Nice try, but that’s Ilex opaca, “ Danny said, stepping closer to Carmilla. “It’s American holly, not mistletoe.” Danny chuckled as Carmilla rolled her eyes, pushing Danny away from her. 

“You fuckin’ nerd. I was trying to be cute and cheesy,” she scoffed, which only caused Danny’s smile to grow. She grabbed onto Carmilla’s hips, pulling her back to her. 

“I know. But it doesn’t mean I didn’t want to kiss you.” 

Danny leaned down and kissed Carmilla. Gently, then firmly. Carmilla grinned when they broke apart, staring up at Danny, finding a home in her presence. She sighed contently, pleased that she finally had a reason to enjoy the holidays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: What Christmas Means to Me by Al Green


	7. Landslide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny gets ready for her and Laura's two year anniversary, however, Laura had other plans. Hollence angst.

__

_I took my love and I took it down_  
_Climbed a mountain then I turned around_  
_And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills_  
_Well the landslide brought me down_

Danny's leg bounced like crazy as she eagerly awaited her girlfriend to get here. They were about to celebrate their two year anniversary and Danny didn't know why, but she was extremely anxious. She stood in front of the mirror again, adjusting her tie for the umpteenth time and messing with the part in her hair. A sharp smack on her arm caused her to yank her hand away and gasp in pain. Danny looked down and glared at the culprit.

“Don't mess with it, it's perfect Lawrence,” the girl said to her in a stern voice. 

Danny's face softened as she nodded. Mel was right. She just had to calm down. This was Laura, the slightly awkward, but extremely adorable blonde that she first laid eyes on in her lit class. Two years together. She could handle this. Still, her stomach churned and her chest felt tight.

Snap out of it Lawrence. It's just Laura.

Danny sighed and tugged on the lapels of her jacket before buttoning them. She turned to Mel and held her hands out, asking if she looked good. Mel cracked a tiny smile and nodded her approval.

“Looking good Lawrence,” Mel said, just as the doorbell rang. 

Danny suddenly felt her anxiety kick into overtime and she quickly grabbed the bouquet of lilies--usually an odd choice, but they were Laura's favorite. She hurried to the door, pausing to check her hair one more time before taking a deep breath in an attempt to steady her trembling body. 

It's just Laura. 

Danny opened the door and grinned at the girl who stood on the other side. However, her smile faltered a bit when she saw that Laura was not all dressed up. Instead, she was standing there in jeans and a t-shirt, holding a bag in her hand. Danny's eyebrows creased and worry quickly took over.

“Laura, hey, are you okay? What's wrong?” Danny asked, setting the flowers down on the table by the door. Laura didn’t meet her eyes or even raise her head.

“Danny...we need to talk,” Laura said, staring down at her knees. 

A million different scenarios started to run through Danny's head: someone attacked her, someone threatened her, a family thing happened. Danny stood there, dumbfounded for another moment before she nodded. 

“Ah...I-yeah…um, we can...let's go upstairs.” Danny stuttered out before stepping to the side, letting her in. 

Laura was hesitant, but slowly made her way in. Danny wanted to reach out and hug her tightly and never let go until things were okay, but she restrained herself. She still wasn't sure what Laura needed, and Danny didn't want to overdo anything. 

Instead, she carefully reached out for her hand and Laura let her take it. Danny lead her upstairs to her room and shut the door behind them. Danny turned to see Laura sitting on the edge of the bed, picking at the hem of her shirt. It hurt Danny's heart to see her like this, especially on a night that meant so much to the two of them. She had fully planned on spoiling Laura tonight, but that could wait. 

Danny carefully eased herself down on the bed next to her, half tempted to take Laura’s hands again, but was afraid that would be the wrong move. So instead, Danny just sat there, waiting patiently for Laura to speak with her hands pressed to her knees to keep them from bouncing. 

“I…” Laura began. 

Danny’s anxiety flares again, squeezing her chest tightly as she kept her eyes trained on Laura.

“Danny…” 

Danny could tell that whatever was the matter, Laura wasn't having an easy time finding the words. And she couldn't tell if that made her feel worse or not.

Danny moved to her hand to Laura's knee but froze in mid-motion. She awkwardly pulled her hand back and cursed herself. She didn't understand why she suddenly couldn't figure out how to comfort her. Maybe it was because of the pit sitting at the bottom of her stomach and a lump in her throat that made her feel like running to the bathroom to puke. Maybe it was that little voice in the back of her head that was nagging her about how bad this was going to be. 

“Danny...we…” 

Laura closed her eyes tightly, her cheeks flushed bright red, and Danny thought that she saw a tear making its way down her face. Danny opened her mouth to speak, but Laura beat her to it.

“Danny we need to break up!” Laura blurted out. 

Suddenly, everything seemed to stop. 

Danny felt her whole world cracking and collapsing around her. Now, she truly felt like she was going to throw up. Her mind was racing and she tried to think of something to say. Where did things go wrong? What did you do this time Lawrence, she thought. She couldn't stop messing things up, could she? 

“I…” Danny stuttered, but she couldn't seem to find her voice. Or words, for that matter. She felt her eyes sting as tears welled up in her eyes.

“I-I'm sorry Danny...but we...we aren't working out and I honestly don't think we ever will,” Laura said before she stood up and looked at her. But Danny didn’t have the heart or strength to look up at her. She couldn’t move. She was stuck. Laura started for the door.

“I'm sorry Danny...I really did love you…And your stuff is by your dresser.” Laura muttered before she left without another word. 

Danny couldn't move, but she also wasn't crying anymore. She knew her body is still in shock and she felt her hands start to shake. She heard a high pitched ringing in her ear. It hurt, but she almost welcomed it. Once she heard the front door shut, a loud wail erupted from Danny’s throat and she collapsed to the floor.

She started asking herself again where she went wrong. How could she not have seen how unhappy Laura was? How long had Laura been feeling like this? She supposed that now it didn't matter. 

Danny curled in on herself, digging her nails tightly into her arms, welcoming the sharp pain it brought. She heard someone else come in and the sound of footsteps coming across the floor and Mel’s voice asking if she was okay. Danny couldn't stop the crying as Mel wrapped her arms around her in an attempt to calm her. It didn't matter now.

Laura didn't love her anymore.

And her world felt like it had been destroyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Landslide by Stevie Nicks


	8. The Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was a short piece inspired post season three. Danny is terrified to face the girl she still held feelings for, she's also still getting use to who she was now. However a familiar face is there to help her through it. (Hollence feels and platonic Lawstein).

_I like the hurt cause I like the sound_  
_I like the sound_  
_I am taken with the bitter end_  
_And the breaking, the way we mend_

The breeze brushed against Danny's cheeks, but she didn't react to it. At one point in time, she's sure it would have caused her to shiver and shrink back into her jacket, but she no longer worried about the cold anymore. She was the cold. She had become something she had despised for a long time, but she couldn't do anything about it anymore. This what she was now; a being of the night.

Danny jumped slightly at the soft vibration coming from her pocket. Her brows creased for a moment. No one should be calling her. No one except-

She instantly knew who it was even before she finished taking her phone from her pocket. She knew exactly what she was going to see as soon as she looked down at the screen. Her anxiety skyrocketed and she felt every muscle in her body start to shake. Danny was sure if she still had a heart, it would be pounding a thousand miles a minute. 

Slowly she looked down. Sure enough, she was right. The screen was nothing but a picture of the cheeky grin of that small, nerdy blonde girl from her lit class. The one who she fell head over heels for on the first day of classes. Laura Hollis.

Danny swallowed the rising lump in her throat and placed her phone face down on the ground, letting it go to voicemail. She still wasn't ready to face her. It made Danny sick that she was still hiding from her. But every time she thought about seeing Laura again, her chest began to tighten up, her throat would start to constrict, and she would feel nauseous. 

She shouldn't, not around Laura. But things had changed. She had changed and she couldn't bare what she had become or the things she had done to her. So Danny had left. Not like Laura’s opinion of her had changed anyway. 

She sighed heavily and turned her attention to the sky. Danny's eyes instantly latched onto the brightest star. Sirius, the dog star. She felt an aching in her chest as all the memories of Laura come flooding back to her. Tears stung her eyes when she remembered the night she took Laura out here. It wasn't an official date or anything, even though Danny wished it had been. Laura sat beside her, pointing up at the stars, asking her about them and she told her everything. For once in Danny's life, she believed she was finally happy.

It didn't last long.

Danny cast her head down and squeezed her eyes tight. 

_Stop it, Lawrence. Get yourself together._

It was best to move on. 

She heard footsteps coming, but she didn't bother to move. She already knew who it was. Danny had texted her earlier in a panic. She felt her jacket brush up against her arm as she sat beside her. Carmilla let out an exasperated sigh. 

“You gotta tell her sometime, Xena.” 

Danny slowly lifted her head, staring out across the lake and avoided Carmilla's eyes.

“I know… I'm still scared to face her.” Danny muttered her voice barely a whisper. She focused her eyes on the reflection of the moon on the water. There was a gentle pressure on her shoulder and she slowly turned her attention to Carmilla. 

Danny could see the slight worry in her dark eyes. The two never really cared much for each other, but over the last month and a half, they had grown closer. Carmilla had helped her a lot through this transition. She was the only one she could think of to help her with this. Everything was still new to Danny and she knew Carmilla had some first-hand experience of how to deal with the aftermath of her manipulative mother. There was no one else she trusted more than Carmilla. 

“She still worries about you, Babyfangs.” Danny felt a smile tug at the corner of her lips. She couldn't explain it, but something about that nickname always made her smile. 

“I know. Someday I'll work up the courage to even text her back.” She mumbled.

“You know the Cupcake is gonna lecture you when she finds out you've been back for a month and you didn't tell her,” Carmilla said sternly. 

Danny sighed and dropped her head. The shame that hung over her only caused the guilt in her stomach to grow, making her feel sicker.

“I know. I just need to be in a better place mentally and emotionally first. I can't let her see me like this.” 

Carmilla's hand on Danny's shoulder tightened and she slowly began to relax. At least her body stopped shaking.

“You'll make it there. And I'm here to help you through it, Xena.”

Danny smiled softly and looked back up at the stars. This time her chest feels lighter; it doesn't hurt and she could finally breathe. It's going to be a long road, but she was ready to face it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Sound by A.W.


	9. Dark Wood, Dark Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny and Laura get caught in a rainstorm and Danny invites Laura to wait it out at the Summer House. Unfortunately for Danny, it begins to thunder. Finally some happy Hollence.

__

_And when I thought all my luck had run out,_   
_You brought it back when you came around,_   
_'cuz love is either in your heart or on its way_   
_To a safe place in you._

“Hey, thanks again for letting me crash here for the night, Danny,” Laura said as Danny stood by, drying her hair. The two of them had been walking from Danny’s office, discussing the book for the lit class when the storm hit. They both had been caught in the rain and since the Summer House was closer than Laura's dorm, they had taken shelter there to wait it out. But the rain only worsened and Danny offered for her to stay the night. It was better than going back out in the wind and the pouring rain and catching a cold.

It was a gesture that any decent human would have offered and Danny didn't think twice about it. She turned to face Laura, a large grin on her lips. 

“It's no problem at all, Hollis. We're supposed to get some pretty nasty storms through the night. Besides, you seemed to have taken a liking to my clothes there.” She teased, catching the blush that crept across Laura's cheeks. Danny had to admit that she really did enjoy the site of the smaller girl cozied-up in her pajama shorts and her sweatshirt, which was much too big for her. 

Danny turned to her dresser, fishing out a pair of sleep pants and a shirt for herself. 

“It's so comfy though! And I'm pretty sure your bed is comfier and bigger than mine. But then again you live in super nice Summer House…” Danny laughed and shook her head as she listened to Laura's babbling. It was something she had grown used to since hanging out with Laura. Without even thinking, Danny pushed her pants down over her hips and quickly pulled her shirt off to change. Despite Laura's incoherent rant, she had nearly forgotten she was even there for a brief moment. That was until she let out a high pitched squeak in surprise. 

Danny glanced over her shoulder, seeing Laura bright red and gawking at her. Danny felt her own cheeks burn at the realization of the situation. She turned back to the dresser, quickly slipping on the first pair of sleep pants she laid eyes on. Danny couldn't help but feel a small smirk tug at the corner of her mouth. Even though the embarrassment, she was still a bit happy that her suspicion was true. Laura Hollis was definitely crushing on her. 

“I um...I...sorry about that, Hollis. I just wasn't thinking” she muttered pulling a T-shirt over her head. She was trying to compose herself, to hide the smile that still couldn't leave her face. 

“Don't...don’t worry about it. I mean...it's not like I minded…” she hears Laura mutter. A new wave of heat flushed over Danny's cheeks. Yeah, Laura was definitely crushing on her. 

Finally, Danny turned back to the bed, catching Laura still staring at her and silence filling the space between them. 

“So um...it's getting pretty late, we should ah...be getting to sleep then,” Danny suggested, rubbing the back of her neck and averting her eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah I suppose we should.” Danny nodded and moved to grab a pillow from her bed. Laura looked up at her, brows creased in confusion. “You're not...your bed is big enough for both of us.” 

A chuckle escaped Danny’s throat as she sat on the ground.

“I'm very aware, Hollis, but it's probably better if I just stay down here.” She said, laying back on the pillow. Truth be told, Danny would have been more than happy to share her bed with Laura. She had fallen head over heels for the small blonde since she first met eyes with her in their lit class. More than anything, she wanted to share a bed with Laura Hollis, but now was not the time. 

Danny had opened her mouth to speak again, but before she could get a word out, a loud crack of thunder interrupted her. Her whole body tensed and she shot up, heart racing a million miles a minute. Danny Lawrence did not fear many things. However, thunderstorms did not fall on that list. She shut her eyes tight to avoid seeing the flash of the lightning through the small gap in her window. 

“Hey, hey, Danny it's okay. It's only a storm.” She heard Laura's voice beside her, gentle and soothing. She felt a light pressure on her shoulder and Laura's hand rubbing her back. 

She was right. Danny knew her fear of storms was completely irrational. She had consciously placed her life in danger more times than she could count, but storms terrified her. Laura pried Danny’s hand from her chest. She wasn't even aware that she had been clutching her shirt. 

Slowly, Danny opened her eyes, staring wildly down at her hand in Laura's. Calm, she had to calm down. It was just a storm, she could handle this. Another crack of thunder and Danny grabbed tightly onto her hand. 

“Hey, Danny, listen to me, okay? It can't hurt you.” She tried to listen, to focus on Laura's voice but she could only hear her heartbeat in her ears. 

There was a gentle tug on her arm, finally pulling her attention to Laura. Danny’s eyes frantically searched her face and she managed to calm down enough to process the other’s words again. 

“Let's get you into bed, okay? I'm not going to leave you on the floor alone when you're freaking out like this.” Laura's voice was low. She nodded. 

_Get up, Lawrence. You're being a baby._

Danny pushed herself up off the floor and allowed Laura to pull her over to her bed. She gently nudged her to get in and Danny complied, shifting to press her back against the wall. Thunder rolled again, causing Danny to jump. She clutched tightly onto her blanket and shut her eyes again.

There was warmth on her cheek, but she refused to open her eyes. Even if the girl she had been crushing on for the past month was right there. 

“Hey, where's your laptop? We're going to distract you from this storm, okay?” Danny didn't want to answer. She wasn't ready for her voice to betray her and show just how terrified she really was. But the gentle rubbing of Laura's thumb on her cheek was helping to settle her nerves. 

After a moment of gathering herself, she managed to let go of the blanket and reached her hand out to point across the room. 

“I-in my bag.” The words came out, barely more than a whisper. The bed shifted and she heard the sounds of Laura's feet on her floor and her bag being opened. When she felt the bed dip with Laura's weight, she finally opened her eyes. She was sitting up, intently focused on the laptop. 

A tiny smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as she took in her strewn up face, brows furrowed and her tongue just barely sticking out of her mouth. Under any other circumstances, it was a sight that would have put butterflies in her stomach and she would be grinning non-stop. While she wasn't completely grinning, Danny was still unable to tear her eyes away from the other. That was until thunder rolled again. 

This time it was fingers stroking her hair that pulled her out of this one. Danny couldn't lie, she felt her heart flutter at this notion. She pulled her head up to be met with a kind smile.

“You like Downton Abbey, right?” Danny nodded. “Good. We'll have ourselves a binge fest and get your mind off the storm.” She smiled timidly up at her and nodded again. Laura returned the smile and scooted down, setting the laptop on her thighs. 

Danny curled closer to Laura, her attention shifting to the show. Thunder roared again, causing Danny to grab onto Laura's -actually her- sweatshirt. There it was again, Laura's hand on her back, easing her anxiety. 

As the night went on, Danny eventually forgot about the storm. The thunder growing softer and quieter each time. When she had completely relaxed, she dared to steal a glance at Laura. A chuckle escaped her lips, finding the girl fast asleep. She wasn't surprised. It had grown oddly quiet in the past few minutes. 

Danny shifted, rolling onto her back and carefully taking her laptop from Laura. There was a soft, incoherent mumble coming from the smaller girl. She smiled and watched Laura’s brows crease in her sleep. She rolled over and nestled into Danny's side.

Danny blushed, practically freezing up as she watched her. The butterflies had returned and made a home in her stomach. Hesitantly she placed her arm around the sleeping girl, which earned her a soft sigh and a faint smile. Danny grinned, giving her a light squeeze. Then, Danny did something she knew she would have never been able to work up the courage to do if Laura had been awake. She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. She would have to thank Laura in the morning for helping her through the storm, but for now, she was going to enjoy her time with Laura in her arms. 

Eventually, Danny drifted off into her own peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dark Wood, Dark Water by Courage My Love


	10. Can't Help Falling in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny Lawrence never loved Carmilla Karnstein, even while they are both dating Laura Hollis. So when she has a nightmare that jars her from sleep, she's surprised who's there to comfort her.

__

_Wise men say only fools rush in_

_But I can't help falling in love with you_

_Shall I stay?_

_Would it be a sin_

_If I can't help falling in love with you?_

Danny Lawrence and Carmilla Karnstein never really got along. Sure, they mostly tolerated each other and Danny never really hated her, but also never really _loved_ her. She had respect for her though. Both her and Carmilla had feelings for the same girl and she knew that Carmilla would destroy anyone who brought harm to Laura. While Danny was sure Laura had feelings for her first, she chose Carmilla in the end. Or at least, so she thought. It turned out that Laura still had feelings for her as well, so the three of them compromised.

Sure she was still jealous of her and Carmilla's relationship, but Danny felt blessed that Laura wanted to share part of her life that same way. Even if that came at the cost of putting up with Carmilla Karnstein. 

Danny never really _loved_ Carmilla and she was sure the vampire felt the same way. She always looked at Danny that always set off an uneasy feeling in her stomach. It was never a look of anger or complete distaste, but it always made her feel like Carmilla was uncertain about her. Danny didn't blame her. It's not like the two of them ever made the effort to speak to each other unless completely necessary or to make a taunting jab at the other. And that was completely fine with her. 

Danny preferred to keep her distance from Carmilla. Even when the three of them got an apartment together, it was Danny who requested to have her own room so she could escape from spending any personal time with Carmilla. Especially when Laura was away for some story she was covering for work. 

Danny hated it when she left because then she was forced to coexist with Carmilla without a buffer. She was always a social person and always preferred to be in the company of someone else, a common personality traits of werewolves. So when Laura left, Danny felt alone, despite knowing Carmilla was in the room across from her. She refused to even entertain the idea of finding company in her. Carmilla would never let her live that down. So she chose to avoid her until Laura returns. 

Danny Lawrence never really _loved_ Carmilla and she knew the other felt the same. So when Danny awoke from reliving that nightmare of losing her family in a car accident, she found it surprising that it was Carmilla who was by her side, brushing her matted hair from her eyes and murmuring that it was just a dream. Danny was stunned by the compassion in her voice, the voice she only heard her use around Laura, and was still recovering from the shock of reliving the worst night of her life. 

Part of Danny wanted to push away. She never wanted this with Carmilla and never imagined sharing a moment as intimate as this. But she needed the comfort, she craved it. Even if it was coming from her. She knew Carmilla was always capable of this much compassion, she had seen it with every interaction she had with Laura, but Danny never thought that it would ever be directed towards herself. 

She's sure that's what finally pushed her over the edge and she found herself clutching tightly onto the vampire's shirt and sobbing into her neck. Danny hadn't cried like this since after _their_ funeral. She always made it a point to never cry in front of anyone, especially not Carmilla Karnstein. Yet here she was, sobbing like a child who lost their mother in a grocery store and being comforted by someone she never loved. 

It took her awhile for her eyes to finally run dry and her breathing to slow back to normal. The soft sound of Carmilla humming (some tune she thought she recognized but couldn't quite name) and the gentle rubbing of her back helped. When Danny calmed, Carmilla's humming stopped but neither of them spoke and neither of them moved. Not yet. Danny still needed a moment to gather all of her thoughts. 

Danny didn't feel rushed. In fact, she’d never felt safer than she felt in her arms. A heavy, shaky sigh passed her lips. Finally Danny looked up at her and she's surprised to find worry and concern in Carmilla's dark eyes, yet she's as calm as ever. 

Danny swallowed and turned her gaze to her hand, still clutching onto her shirt like a lifeline. Part of her still refused to believe this is real. No one, not even Laura Hollis would believe this was happening. But Carmilla's hand on her back and the smell of old books and rain with a slight metallic blood hint and Danny knew this was real. Only one person smelt like that. 

“I'm sorry.” She finally said, the sound of her own voice was shocking to her. It was hoarser than she expected and it made her feel so small (which is ridiculous considering her size). Danny felt Carmilla shake her head and she slowly looked up at the vampire. Her eyes seem fixated on something on the other side of the room and they seemed...distant, almost glazed over.

“No need for apologies, Xena. Everyone has to deal with nightmares.” Even me. Danny could tell she wanted to add, but didn't. She never really bothered to learn much about Carmilla, but Danny knew that she didn't exactly have the best life either; murdered at eighteenth and under the influence of an abusive mother for longer than three lifetimes. She always had the suspension that they were more alike than she'd care to admit. Everyone suffers tragedy at some point in their lives, but not many feel as though they had lost everyone and everything like Danny and Carmilla. 

“I dreamed I lost them again…” The words escaped her lips before she was even aware of it. Carmilla looked down at her with confusion. Danny may not have known much about Carmilla, but she knew even less about her. Danny swallowed the rising lump in her throat. 

“My parents and my twin brother.” She paused, biting down on her lip trying to avoid panicking. “I was ten and they had picked us up from school. We were on our way to the house we had up on the lake. But dad...he hydroplaned off the road and we went through the guardrail and over the side. The car rolled...a few times, I'm not sure. I-I hit my head and woke up when it stopped.” She shook her head, hand tightening on Carmilla's shirt. Danny never in her life expected to be telling Carmilla this, something that even Laura didn't know. But it just kept tumbling out of her mouth. 

“Neither of them moved. I...I remember calling out to them, but nothing...I heard other voices and a fireman pulled me out of the car.” Danny curled closer to Carmilla and her arms tighten around her. It helped more than she thought. 

“There was so much blood…” Danny choked out, feeling another bout of tears coming. She resisted the urge to close her eyes, because she knew the images of them would be ingrained into her eyelids. Danny felt her whole body start to shake, every inch of her muscles vibrating. She felt ten years old again, sitting in the back of the ambulance, getting stitched up and the glass removed from her head and arms. 

“Hey, hey, you're here now. You're safe.” Safe. Right. Danny was fine. She was in her bed in her apartment that you shared with two other people. She was alive and safe. 

Danny felt her fingers under her chin, lifting her head up. She's aware of the tears that stung at her eyes and stained her cheeks. Carmilla wiped Danny's hair from her face again. She wished she wasn't so sweaty. Though Danny's suddenly confused as to why you even care about how she look. Carmilla's hand felt cool against her cheek, easing her anxieties. 

Then Carmilla's closer and her lips are right there. The thought of ever kissing Carmilla Karnstein never crossed Danny's mind, but now it was all she wanted to do. Danny needed her. She leaned forward, gently pressing her lips to Carmilla's and it just felt right. 

Danny was the first to pull away, well aware of the warm flush growing on her cheeks. It was a strange contrast to Carmilla's much cooler hand. She supposed it was just a side effect of being a vampire. However, when she met Carmilla's eyes, she's nothing but warmth and love. Danny had never seen this side of her, but she wanted to see more of it. Carmilla ran her fingers through her hair and Danny knew she wanted to kiss her again.

Carmilla leaned in again, only this time she pressed a soft and long kiss to her forehead. When she pulls away, she rests her chin on the top of Danny's head and a small whine escapes her lips. 

Carmilla chuckles.

“As much as I'd love to keep kissing you, Xena, you need to get some sleep. Or you'll never wake up in time for your morning run.” Danny felt another blush creep up on her cheeks. Carmilla wasn't as removed from her life as she thought. And it wasn't until now that she felt how heavy her eyelids were. Danny felt sleep creeping back into her bones. She was exhausted on all levels; from her nightmare, to her panic attack, to kissing Carmilla. 

Her eyelids droop and finally close. Danny's whole body relaxed against Carmilla, safe and comforted in her arms. 

Danny Lawrence never really _loved_ Carmilla Karnstein, but now she's sure she loves her and she knew Carmilla felt the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley
> 
> Also please leave comments if you can. It just inspires me to write more than leaving kudos does.


	11. Let's Start the New Year Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny had been saving up for this surprise for a while, but she had decided she had waited long enough to ask this question. And what better way to start the new year than asking the question to the person you love the most? Lawstein fluff.

_Let's watch the old year die_   
_With a fond goodbye_   
_And our hopes as high_   
_As a kite_   
_How can our love go wrong if_   
_We start the new year right?_

Danny stood off in the kitchen by the drink table and she scans the room, smiling softly. It had been a while since the whole gang was together and what better way to ring in the new year than hanging out with the old Scooby gang. Even having Laura Hollis around again felt nice. It had been years since Silas and Danny and Laura had made up and her feelings for the small blonde had faded long ago. It was nice to feel as though they could be friends again. Carmilla and Laura had even settled whatever feelings had still been between them after their break up. But none of that mattered anymore. Tonight was finally the end of the year and Danny had been prepping for this moment for a long time.

Five minutes till midnight and Danny placed her glass down on the table, ready to make her escape to the bedroom to get the thing that’ll really ring in the new year right. Only she spotted Carmilla making her way over to her. Quickly Danny managed to catch Kirsch’s eye and nod towards Carmilla. He must have gotten the message and made his way over to her, starting up some conversation with her. 

Danny let out a small sigh of relief and slipped into their bedroom, heading straight for her dresser. Thankfully she had let Kirsch in on what she had been planning on for months. He was a goof, but Danny trusted him fully to keep the secret, especially since he and Carmilla never had much reason to interact unless Danny was there. She dug in the back of her top drawer, pulling out the sock and dumping the small black box into her palm. Danny let out a slow calming breath and opened it, looking at the small silver ring. It wasn’t anything super fancy just a small silver band with a few Celtic knots around it and a small red stone at the center. She had been saving up for a few months and had her eye on it for a while. It was the only one she had seen that seemed to fit Carmilla. 

Three minutes till midnight. Danny quietly shut the box and stuffed it in her pocket. She slid the drawer shut and slipped back out to the party. Carmilla instantly comes to her side and Danny smiled softly. 

“Hey, hon. You doing okay?” Danny asked, fully aware that she was not a big party person. She figured the gang would be a fine enough crowd and there was really no other reason to invite anyone else. Carmilla nodded, leaning into her side. Danny could tell she was feeling exhausted, she was a creature of the night, but this was a lot of stimulation and she was drained. Danny leaned down and kissed the top of her head, gently rubbing her shoulder. 

“It’s okay, I don’t think everyone is sticking around for long once the ball drops.” She says, hugging her close. Carmilla nodded again.

Two minutes till midnight and Danny can feel the anxiety slowly creeping its way into her. She reached down with her free hand, brushing her fingers against the box again. Danny knew she was overreacting. It was Carmilla for Hera’s sake, she knew Carmilla would have no reason to say no. But that didn’t stop the wave of anxiety from making her stomach churn and her breath quicken. Had she still been a human, she was sure her heart would be going a million beats a minute. Let Aphrodite and Hera bless her. 

“Here we go!” Kirsch cheers, handing everyone a glass of champagne as the clock reached sixty seconds until midnight. He gave Danny a confident smile. She was sure hers was meek, showing just how tense she was. He placed a quick pat on her shoulder before turning towards the TV.

52

51

50

Danny pulled Carmilla over towards the couch, watching the countdown, taking a spot by the armrest. She does a double check the space around them. Yeah, it was her own apartment, but she wanted to be sure she didn’t knock something over and embarrass herself. She was already putting everything out there. 

46

45

44

Danny closed her eyes and tried to take a steady breath. She let her arm fall from Carmilla’s shoulders to take her hand. Holding onto her hand always helped to ground her.

31

30

29

She looks up at Danny, giving her a soft and calming smile. Butterflies let loose in her stomach. Gods give her strength. She was Danny Lawrence, an immortal badass who fought monsters throughout her college career. Asking the love of her life this question shouldn’t terrify her. Yet it did.

10

9

8

Oh, gods here it comes. 

5

4

Another heavy sigh. Danny let go of Carmilla’s hand, changing the glass to her other hand. She shoved her free one into her pocket, clutching onto the box. A quick thought of maybe I shouldn’t flashed through her mind.

3

2

No, it was happening.

1

“Happy New Year!” Everyone cheers. She felt Carmilla turn, trying to pull her down for a kiss. Instead, Danny pushed her glass into Carmilla’s hand and pulled the box out as she sunk down to one knee. Her face read nothing but confusion and a nervous smile pulled at the corner of her mouth.

“Mircalla Karnstein,” Danny paused, gathering herself and making sure her voice stays steady. “Will you make me the happiest woman in the world?” She hadn’t moved, her eyes were wide, just staring at Danny with her mouth hanging open.

“I-I...what’s…” She couldn’t finish her question. 

“Carmilla, will you marry me?” Danny asked. She could feel every muscle in her body shaking, fully aware that everyone’s eyes were on her. She swore they could all tell. But there was only one person who mattered. Danny could see a smile growing on her lips and wait, were those tears? They were.

“Yes, Xena, yes. Absolutely.” Danny grinned, surely looking like a giant smiling idiot and slipped the ring on her finger. She could hear Kirsch let out a whoo-hoo as well as the others clapping. A small sigh of relief escaped her lips, but she knew she shouldn’t be surprised. Of course, Carmilla would have said yes. 

Danny forced herself up off the ground and instantly Carmilla’s hands are on her cheeks, pulling her down for a kiss. She smiled into it, hugging her waist. 

“Happy New Year, fiancee,” Danny said once they pulled apart. Carmilla was beaming up at her. 

“Happy New Year.” What better way to start the year than being engaged to the love of her life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's Start the New Year Right by Bing Crosby
> 
> Happy New Year everyone!

**Author's Note:**

> Song "Home" by Reese Lansangan


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